In the Eye of the Beholder

Have you ever noticed what your eyes do when your brain goes off on some trance-like tangent? It's that un-blinking, blurred stare into nothingness; and it's not that your eyes stop seeing, it's that your attention is focused elsewhere, honing in on some other thought and convincing you that whatever you're thinking is the absolute truth about your current reality.

For some reason, us humans, take it upon ourselves to try and fill every waking moment with something entertaining, or purposeful, or important. Whether it's thoughts or actions or plans, we get so used to doing this, that we no longer realize it's not the way things have to be. So the question is, "what do we do with the time we have?" I realize my current predicament of having too much time to ponder over, is not so universal. But the same question goes for those in an opposing situation, with too many things to do, and a feeling that their time isn't being spent the way they want it to be.

I remember as a child, when I would get rowdy or difficult, I'd be met with a, "Life's not always a three-ring circus Sarah, settle down." I still use this phrase, to this day, to remind myself that my wants, needs, and the reality of the moment don't always align, but my acceptance of whatever is happening can help align me with the present moment. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about my current reality, which is perhaps not the best way of actually being present in it. Nonetheless, most of my thoughts have been centered around trying to be okay with what is. This manner of acceptance is counterintuitive for me, someone who builds their reality upon reaching some unattainable standard of perfection. But sometimes I'm able to reframe the present moment, despite any self-diagnosed imperfection, as the only possibility, and therefore it comes the closest to perfection that anything can, simply because it is what exists. In turn, I also accept myself, neuroses and all, as a perfect example of the chaos that is being alive. 

So I guess the answer to "what do we do with the time we have?" is "whatever you're doing at the time." The real work comes from not burdening whatever is happening with your own expectations or desires and making a conscious decision to be present enough to allow space for happiness.